What you resist, persists

I asked had a funny moment with a client on the phone today.

She showed up to our call really nervous.

We had talked about it before. The fear and anxiety she felt before an important meeting. The internal battle. My client was upset at herself for being so worried about it. She just wanted it all to go away so she could stride confidently into that room.

We’ve all felt that way before. The struggle for composure. Holding our head high to make up for our shaky stomachs. Sweaty palms and self-doubt.

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We all cope with performance anxiety in different ways. Some of us simply pretend it’s not there and hope for the best. Others try affirmations, hoping we can change our own minds. (“I am powerful. I am calm. I am confident.”) Sometimes we try to do the opposite of what we did the last time, and overcompensate. But it doesn’t work.

There’s a quote I think about every single day. “What you resist, persists. What you look at, disappears.” (Neale Donald Walsh, from Conversations with God) The more we struggle to NOT be something, for example, to not be worried about our meeting – the more consumed by worry we feel.

Back to my client, who was sharing her fears with me and trying to figure out a way not to be worried. Listening to her, I forgot to be in coach mode and finally burst out with, “But this meeting is important to you! Of course you’re a little anxious! That’s totally freakin’ normal!”

It was quiet for a second. And then she burst out laughing.

I was totally surprised. A minute ago she had been on the verge of tears. I asked her what the heck she was laughing at and she said, “It IS completely normal! I feel so much better!”

She let go of trying to change her feelings in that moment. Instead of trying to fake confidence, she accepted herself exactly as she was.

And then y’all, she KILLED that presentation.

#acceptance #selflove #lettinggo

Kristin Baker